Motherhood

No one can comprehend how hard or how amazing it is to be a mom until you are one. Truly nothing has challenged me on a daily basis like my children do. I worry everyday for their safety. I worry every day if I am raising them the way The Lord would want me to. I worry every day that when they are in my care something bad would happen to them and I would never forgive myself. I remember the day I realized that constant worry would never go away.  There would always be something to worry abt even when they're grown and  have their own kids I will worry. 

        There are days I go to bed exhausted feeling like a failure of a mother. I had let the kids play/ watch electronics all day, I had yelled, I hadn't been as patient as I should, I had hurt one of their feelings or the list goes on and on. But there are those moments which make it all worth it and more. When my Jaston comes up and gives me a big hug or kiss. When I get to sit and snuggle with any one or all three of them.  When i hold and nurse my baby and look at all her tiny, amazing, perfect pieces that miraculously formed inside of me. When I see Skylee just adore reading and read for hours and hours. 

      Those precious moments when Jaston and Skylee are playing and laughing together. When they look out for each other. Saving a treat for the other, thinking of them first. I love when Skylee comes in at 5:30 on Mother's Day cuz she can't wait any longer to give me her sweet Mother's Day cards she made at school. :)

      I love to see them with their Dad. They adore him. They love to play with him and watch him play. I tell you my husband is the most attractive when he is holding Brielle or playing with the kids. How blessed I am to have a husband who loves us, supports us, and leads us. 

       As I gaze at their sweet, sleeping faces everything melts away and I realize it's all worth it. The tears, the stress, the guilt is all worth it. At the end of the day I am overwhelmed by the love I have for these amazing kids. These special spirits entrusted to me by my Heavenly Father. They are so special and beautiful and pure and what a blessing it is to have them such a special part of my life! I am truly blessed to have them call me Mommy.