Accentuating the Positive

     So I've been listening to this book on CD called "Whale Done." It is all about having positive relationships in your life. I was really impressed with not only the message it held but the way it was presented. I must admit I love self-help books when it comes to parenting. I remember being so stunned when Skylee was born and realizing that this wasn't something that came with a manual. There really wasn't a "right" way to do it even though everyone had their own "right" that they thought was the way to do it. Needless to say I was overwhelmed. 

    So the message of this book is all about "Accentuating the Positive" and redirecting negative behavior. I love how it presented it because it repeated it over and over again and used it in specific examples in a way that didn't feel like they were drilling it into you. They used it in relationships with spouses, with business associates, and with kids. No, I'm not trying to sell the book I just want to write down some of the key points so when I forget it I can come back and remind myself of the parts I felt were most important to me. I actually have been trying with the kids and I see a difference in them and a difference in the way I perceive the kid's behavior. So here is a few points I got from it:

•  Instead of finding "Gotcha" moments of negative behavior. Look for Positive AKA "Whale-done" moments . (The whole whale thing is based off the way they train the killer whales at Sea-World)
  
• When a negative behavior happens address the behavior that is unacceptable, and redirect  until you can find something positive to focus on.
• You can't wait until the behavior is perfect before you give positive feedback- ANY change in the right direction should be recognized and praised.
• Put your effort/attention into positive behavior
• Try to make the motivation/rewards be a variety and also self-motivating rather than relying on your words of praise to motivate them. - ex "Doesn't cleaning your room all by yourself make you feel good." etc..
• Take the blame- if your spouse does something that you don't appreciate see if you can find a way to take the blame- apologize that you didn't communicate better or realize how you could have been at fault when approaching them. They will be more willing to accept your suggestions.
• Be genuine and truly show appreciation
• Look for ways you can accentuate the good in people

Anyhow, I hope I can add to the list as my teeny memory remembers any. I will need to listen again and try and retain a little more. I mean it's so silly that this is new to me. Doesn't it make sense that people respond better when you build them up rather than put them down? I don't know if it's a cultural thing or what but I know I tend to not really put too much energy into my kids until they do something wrong. They mentioned in the book that basically anything you put your energy/attention into will be a behavior that will be repeated guaranteed. So, I'm going to try this theory for  a bit and I hope it can help me in my life esp in my parenting!